I'm furious!!!

A world exists outside theatre, actually

Vernon took me to one side today to tell me that my MFA is ending!!! I am so angry!!! Apparently I've always known this but actually, Vernon, this is the first I've heard of it!!! A three month MFA is NOT my idea of a worthwhile education actually!! Also, BRIEF CANDLE has been turned down by the RSC - what did they expect? Iambic pentitameters?? IT'S NOT SHAKESPEARE, IT'S A MODERN PLAY COMMENTING ON OUR SHORT EXISTENCE ON THIS PLANET!!! Some people...

All these frustrations and angerments I have poured into a heartfelt poem which I would like now to share with you. I have called it "Les Especes de la Misere":

I drop my stare

To keep you from the glare

Of my disappointedness.

Were I to look

Into the book (of life)

I would be sick.

'Tis true I aspire

To climb out the quagmire

Of my ne'erending despair.

But why?

And more importantly -

Where?

At times like these I turn to chocolate. A Nutrageous will lift your blood sugar levels even when your soul plummets.

Theatre is at a crossroads

I just need you all to know that.

The obvious follow-up question therefore is: "Do I wait for green?"

Troubling times indeed...

LiveB8 - the Importance of Going Up to Edinburgh!!!

Many of you will have heard of the upforthcoming LIVEB8 fish conference being organised in Edinburgh in July. It's to protest about the lack of decent LiveB8 fish restaurants in London these days, and I for one have all the elastic bands I can get on to my wrist, just to show to everyone that I CARE!!! (I could have said "I CARP" but that might be out-of-PLAICE as a joke here!!!). Anyway, that's not the point (sorry, I'm FLOUNDERing here!!!) - Sir Lord Geldof has suggested everyone come to Edinburgh to show the LiveB8 politicians that we care about fish, and I've emailed Sir Lord Bob directly to suggest that he delay the demo by just ONE MONTH so it coincides with the Edinburgh Fringe Festival (I could have said FISHtival!!!)!!!! Because I believe THEATRE is the GREATEST TOOL WE HAVE FOR WORLD CHANGE!!! Pink Floyd and Madonna were all good in their day and will please the wrinklies, but us Cutting Edge Youth need AYCKBOURN and LLOYD WEBBER if we're to make a DIFFERENCE!!!!

If you agree, email Lord Sir Bob direct at his email address bobagob@gimmecash.com like I have did. It can't do less than be ignored, and what use is art if it's not about something? Hmmm? Hmmm?

Viva Vocchi

I have been told by course leader Vernon that I am to have a Vovi Veecho (sic). My quick rejoinder was that I didn't hold a driving licence but thankyou very much!!! How wrong could I be!!! A Viva Vocchi is - apparently - a sort of lovely big Q&A type thingy where I get to be interviewed!!! Perfect preparation for my launch onto the Wide World of Showbiz!!! I call it my Jerry Springer moment!!! Vernon says there is serious concern that I am not fulfilling the criteria, but I say: The Criterion has never been full since the day it opened!!! (I'm very quick when I need be.)

Also, I had a lovely Nutrageous bar yesterday. It really was excellent. I urge you to buy one soon.

Watch this space!!!